After getting the address to Dave’s apartment from Gamzee, Eridan had debated going to this meeting until he had physically left his apartment. Now he stood in front of the doors to the building, continuing to dither about whether or not this was a good idea.
“Oh my fucking god you actually showed up,” Karkat said, making Eridan jump as the shorter troll appeared behind him.
“Um,” Eridan said intelligently.
“No, no, don’t talk. My thinkpan can only handel so many headaches at the same time, I don’t need whatever idiocy that decides to come out of your loadgaper added to them,” Karkat said, blowing past him. The shorter troll paused, then looked back at him. “Just… follow me, okay? Fuck, you look like a nervous hopbeast.”
“W-wwhatevver, I’m just not used to bein’ in such a carpy part of towwn,” Eridan said, striding behind Karkat like a miffed prince. The stubby-horned troll ‘tch’-ed and rolled his eyes, leading the way. When they were on the elevator, they stood at opposite ends. Karkat crossed his arms, and Eridan studied the wall next to him.
“You know, not that I care or anything,” Karkat said, “But using fish puns isn’t going to make Feferi forgive you.”
“I knoww that,” he said softly. Then he shook his head. “I-I mean, that’s not wwhy I use them!”
“Sure, whatever,” Karkat said, decisively ending the conversation. Eridan sank back into the corner. It’s not wwhy I use them. Reelly.
The elevator stopped on the 27th floor, and that’s where Karkat got out, Eridan on his tail. He walked all the way to the end of the hallway, where he pulled a key out of his pocket. The seadweller blinked as the other troll opened the door.
Kar has a key? Wwait, wwhy is that? Not that it matters or nothin’…
“Jesus fucking Christ Strider, what is that?” Karkat yelled over the sound blasting throughout the apartment. The shorter troll muttered something under his breath, stuffing the key back into his pocket as he stormed into the back of the apartment. Eridan stood, fidgeting awkwardly as he looked around.
Wwell, looks like Kar knowws his wway around. Fuck, it is loud…
There were speakers set up everywhere, and what was coming out of them could only be called music in the loosest sense. There seemed to be two conflicting melodies, with separate time signatures and no real rhythm. There also seemed to be a counter melody to an entirely different piece, and harmonies half a step off. Like a toddler had taken a music maker on the computer and key smashed for a while before hitting play.
The ‘music’ suddenly cut off, making the apartment seem strangely empty. Eridan could hear Karkat yelling somewhere in the background, and there was a knock on the door. The sea troll opened the door to Sollux working on a tablet computer. The psionic glanced up and did a double take.
“Hold on AA,” he said into his Bluetooth before muting it. “What are you doing here?”
“I-“
“Egbert had a fucking explosion in his thinkpan, and the mush that was left decided to make Eridan one of his groomsmen, which he needed to tell me at five in the nooksucking morning.”
Eridan turned to see Karkat stomping over to the door, Dave leaning against the doorframe connecting the living room area to a short hallway. Sollux frowned.
“Theriouthly?” he asked, expression sour as he pushed past Eridan. Karkat rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, I know, alright, just deal with it,” he said, walking with Sollux to the couch. He shot Eridan a glare, daring him to say something, and the sea troll settled for a flat glare. In short order the other groomsmen arrived, and everyone was seated around a coffee table in what passed as a living room area. Eridan ended up sandwiched between Gamzee and the arm of the couch, at the indigo blood’s insistence.
“So, starting from all the great ideas we generated last meeting-“
“No, you do not get to be a sarcastic douche, Strider. Not when the most monumentally stupid idea was uttered from your insufferable protein chute, just like every monumentally stupid idea is.”
“So you’re saying people should build a monument in my honor?”
“Yes, Strider, that is exactly what I’m saying. They will create a monument made out of whatever earth metal you choose, and it will be you, reprsented in your shitty art style, except ten times worse. And there will be a plaque reading: This is a warning to all future generations; never be this much of an insufferable douche, or the world will hate you. And every year people will make burning sacrifices in front of it, praying that no one becomes as big a douchenozzle as Dave fucking Strider.”
“You’re almost right, sweetheart. There will be a monument of me, in my shitty art style, but it’s gonna read Most epically cool dude to ever grace this lowly planet with his presence, and they’ll burn Sweet Bro n’ Hella Jeff comics every fucking day, in hopes that the offering is worthy enough to get even a idea of the levels of cool they would experience by seeing me in person.”
“Oh my god does your thinkpan ever catch up to the filth spewing from your unadulterated, ungodly face hole, or has that shit that sounds like the apes in Tarzan on steroids where dropped into a china shop that just happens to carry heavy machinery and dying animals that you seem to believe is music finally rotted it into a pile festering mush?”
“My beats are pretty unique.”
“That was not my point. You fucking asshole.”
Eridan’s head was spinning in a sad attempt to make sense of the exchange of extended metaphors, to no avail. He looked around to see if anyone else in the room was having better luck.
Sollux seemed engrossed in his phone, hardly paying the argument any attention. Gamzee and Tavros were paying each other more attention than anyone else in the room, and Equius was… well, just kind of standing there, sweating uncomfortably.
“Are you guyth on again? I mean, I know you thaid you were done with all the black ‘flingth’, but thith ith very public flirting, tho thomeone might get the wrong idea. Jutht thaying,” Sollux said suddenly, making Karkat flinch in surprise. The troll muttered something, blushing as he crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch. Dave made no comment, but might have smirked the smallest bit when he looked toward a particularly interesting part of the ceiling.
“Ah… I had an… idea…” Equius said, making everyone turn to him. Silence reigned as the blue blood gulped, sweating more profusely at the stares.
“Come on out with it, Equius bro,” Gamzee said at last, making Equius flinch.
“Well… it’s only partial my idea, most of the credit goes to my moirail, who suggested a… a ball,” the STRONG troll said. “And, given the dispositions of the couple, maybe not having two separate parties, and maybe just one…”
“That is the stupidest-“
“I like it,” Dave said, interrupting Karkat. The nubby horned troll turned on him.
“What!? I thought you were completely for cheap beer and strippers,” he said, incredulous. Dave shrugged.
“Which, as you pointed out, is not appropriate for Egderp,” he said. “Besides, this plan has so many volumes of irony that it’s filled fifty libraries already, and doesn’t look like it’s stopping anytime soon.”
“You and your fucking irony shit,” Karkat said. “Do you even know the definition of the word, bulgemunch? I looked it up in fucking Merriam and Websters; irony- a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other’s false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning ; or, not whatever Strider decides he wants to ignore the real reasoning behind by throwing out a random word he learned from his human lusus.”
“Wow, even the dictionary can’t keep away from me,” Dave said, and Karkat leaped up with a snarl.
“KK, you’re doing it again,” Sollux said. Glaring at Strider, Karkat slowly sat back down.
“Fine. We’ll put it to a vote. Everyone that says no, raise your hand,” he said, raising his own.
“Would we have to danthe?” Sollux asked.
“Yes,” Equius said, causing Sollux hand to shoot up as well. Tavros’s hand followed a moment later.
“Something wrong, Tav bro?” Gamzee asked, blinking in surprise. Tavros chuckled nervously.
“Uh, well, it’s not that being able to walk again isn’t great and all…” the reset of the universe fixed the damage to Tavros’s legs, “but, uh, dancing is, well, different.”
“Well, you’re entitled to your mother fucking opinion,” Gamzee said, smiling. “But I still think you’d be a mother fucking miracle on the dance floor.”
Tasvros didn’t say anything to that, just smiled widely while a brown blush tinted his cheeks.
“Okay, so that’s three against. Now raise your hand if you’re for it,” Karkat said. Dave rolled his eyes (Wwait, wwhat? He still has those fuckin’ glasses on, howw the fuck wwould I knoww he rolled his eyes) and raised his hand, along with Gamzee and a tentative Equius.
“Fuck, we’re tied,” Karkat said, preparing for a headache. Dave arched a brow.
“There’s seven people in the room, Karkles,” he said, eyeless gaze suddenly falling on Eridan. The sea dweller looked around as he realized everyone was now staring at him. Well, Karkat and Sollux were glaring, but same difference, really. Eridan shifted uncomfortably. Fuck, I don’t evven knoww wwhat’s goin’ on, wwhy are they all wwaitin’ on me? Fuck.
“For or againtht, ED, I don’t have all day to wathte on you,” Sollux said. That cinched the decision.
“For,” the sea dweller said, causing Karkat to face palm and Sollux to shake his head while returning to his phone.
“You stupid grubfuck, why would you even say anything?” Karkat half moaned in dismay. The question, however, was directed at Sollux, not Eridan.
“Thhup up, KK,” the mustard blood said, scowling.
“So, looks like we’re decided, now all we need is a place to host this thing,” Dave said, smirking just ever so slightly.
“I can provide a suitable location,” Equius said. Karkat turned to glare at him.
“Like I can believe that the most perverted troll in the goddamn universe knows a place where we can hold a ball, and knowing autistic cat girl, it’s probably a whole traditional earth ball with the dresses that can fit the Russian circus and suits that have ten show buttons for every real one.”
“I say we give it a chance,” Tavros said. “Uh, I mean, since Equius did bring up the idea, and, uh, you know.”
“You know what? Sure? Why fucking not? Not like this isn’t going to go as successfully as your attempts to go down stairs with robolegs,” Karkat said, flopping back on the couch as if utterly defeated.
“Hey, not cool, K-man,” Gamzee said, frowning vaguely at Karkat. The nubby horned troll sighed and sat back up.
“Yeah, you’re right, it wasn’t. Sorry, Tavros, I’m just an idiot douchebag, don’t listen to me,” he said, sincere. Gamzee was smiling again as Tavros muttered something affirming. Eridan was only half paying attention to the exchange. The other half of his attention was caught by the fact that Dave was still watching him. He looked back, arching his brow pointedly. Wwhat does he wwant?
“So, looks like this meeting’s over, finally,” Karkat said, standing. It took everyone a minute to do the same. “Equius, just send me the address of this place and we can all go check it out to make sure it isn’t the lobby of some hoofbeast fetish sex hotel.”
“That is so… depraved,” Equius said. “I think I need a towel…”
“Then go and fucking get one,” Karkat said, walking over and opening the door to Dave’s apartment, ushering everyone out. Dave remained lounging as the others left, Eridan trailing out last.
“Catch you later, Prince of Hopeless.”
Eridan flinched, the snorted.
“Wwhatevver, sex cod,” he said, walking smoothly past Karkat. He noticed that the other troll closed the door without leaving, but didn’t worry too much about it. What did he care about Dave’s black quadrant, anyway?
Wwait… I thought humans didn’t havve a black quadrant…
The sea dweller shrugged. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad, after all…
Naturally, he was horribly, horribly wrong.
The minute he stepped outside the apartment building he was flung through the air into side of the building next to it, courtesy a red and blue light show. Sollux, scowling walked up to him while keeping him pinned against the wall. Eridan growled as the psionic pointed a finger in his face.
“Listhten, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me, tho thith ith how thingth are going to go,” the mustard blood said. “You aren’t going to talk to me, or even look at me if you can help it. And I’ll even return the favor. And, if you try to talk to Feferi…”
Eridan gasped as there was a sudden psionic punch to his gut.
“… well, I’m thure you can imagine.”
“Fuck you, Sol,” the seadwell gasped, getting his breath back.
“Captor.”
Eridan squinted to see Karkat standing there. He hadn’t noticed until just now that his glasses had fallen off when he was thrown against the wall.
“What?” Sollux asked, crossing his arms.
“Put him down.”
“The fuck? He detherveth it!”
“I know, but… just not here, okay?”
“… fine.”
Eridan fell to the ground as Sollux’s psionic’s released him. Karkat and Sollux said something else, but Eridan wasn’t paying attention as he rose to his feet.
“Here,” Karkat said, suddenly in front of Eridan and practically shoving the sea dweller’s glasses at him. Eridan blinked, slipping them on.
“Er, thanks,” he said frowning. Karkat snorted, looking away. Eridan shuffled his feet awkwardly.
“Well, yeah. See ya,” Karkat said, and walked off without giving Eridan time to reply. And noww wwhat the fuck wwas that? Wwhatevver…
With a sigh, Eridan headed to the local theater, prepared to practice for his role in the upcoming play, A Midsummer’s Night Dream.